Both my father and my grandmother passed away shortly before we all went into lockdown for quarantine. In addition to dealing with that compounded grief over the holidays, I had recently bought a house and was trying to move, unpack, and get our home life organized again. Then came the global pandemic and worldwide economic depression from COVID-19. Small businesses were hit the hardest, and I was a small business who took care of other small businesses. I really started to think I was trapped in a perpetual nightmare. With grief, they say that it gets a little easier each day, but I felt like I was getting beat down daily trying to reassure scared and frustrated clients who were losing their life’s savings or hearing news of other unexpected deaths. I would try to escape in my backyard with a good old fashioned dose of hard labor in what I called my therapy hole digging a pond for my ducks. That peace was interrupted with helicopters buzzing over my house patrolling riots and people not obeying the lockdown curfews. As much as I tried keep my mind from dwelling on the negative, I felt restless and sleepless at night about the uncertainty of the world and the safety and future of my two teenage children.
Over the past two decades, I have worked incredibly hard to build a small business that would allow me to work from home while my children were growing up. Many times, I put my clients’ needs before my own personal time and worked a lot of evenings and weekends to make sure deadlines and client requests were always taken care of. There are pros and cons with any career, but I thought it was worth it to have the flexibility to work remotely from home or travel anywhere in the world with my laptop. My free time has been consumed with perpetual networking while conquering new skills, software, and the latest buzz word. I was always working towards the next goal. This past year was such a struggle for me both personally and financially, it completely diminished the value of all of that and replaced it with a new philosophy on life.
One evening, I saw a post on Facebook from a friend of mine that needed help at a nursing home. For some reason, I kept going back to that post and then thought to myself, why not? For the first time in my life, I had some free time and there were people who were worse off than me that needed help. Nurses and healthcare workers were overworked and shorthanded because of strict rules about COVID-19 screening. The elderly residents were no longer able to have any visitors and were incredibly lonely in their rooms isolated from each other and the world. Healthcare was not an industry that I had any experience in at all, but I felt I could at least offer the gift of conversation to help reassure them through these difficult times. It also seemed like a good way to get out the house and have some human interaction a couple of mornings a week. It turned out to be one of the most inspirational projects that I have ever worked on and helped restore some of my creativity and motivation along with my diminishing faith in humankind.
Surviving close to a century, many of these residents have endured what seemed like impossible times. Now they struggle with the deteriorating effects of dementia and knowing that they are losing small bits of their mind and memories every day. They work hard to keep their brains and body stimulated with a positive attitude so when the time came and they are finally allowed to have outside visitors again, they can savor every moment. They do not whine and complain about lockdown or wearing masks. Even though they are part of the most vulnerable population to be affected by the virus, locked away alone in their room since April, their biggest concern is how it effects their grandchildren and the future of our planet. Through conversations I have had with these insightful advisors, I feel that they have been here more to encourage me than vice versa. They have taught me so much about tolerance and stepping back to really examine what is going on with the big picture, all while guiding me in my healing process. Here are some of the bits of wisdom and inspiration that they have given me:
- Be mindful and present. Slow down and be patient. Take in every moment, every breath of fresh air. Savor your conversations, art, music, flavors, laughter instead of always rushing to get to the next meeting, the next soccer game. At the end of year, how many of those moments or details have you retained in your memory as precious?
- This too shall pass. Growing up in the Great Depression, several wars, illnesses, deaths and births comes with a plethora of coping skills. This is but a short moment in life, but it is not what life is about. Focus on what is important and enjoyable, not inconveniences. You control how you feel about life.
- You can’t take it with you. In the end, the things that have value do not have a monetary value. How much time have you wasted on social media or Netflix instead of actually living a fulfilled life? Will you remember any of those moments when you are in the nursing home reflecting on your life? Appreciate everything that you have because most have less and are happy with less.
- Be patient, thoughtful, and empathetic to the struggles of others. We tend to focus on our own situations and inconveniences and do not think about how we impact the lives of others. Life is more than just you. Selfish people rob you of your time and your happiness.
- What have you done to contribute to society and others? There is a lot of talk about our rights and freedoms. The generations who have fought for our rights and freedoms are not the ones complaining about what has been taken from them, and they have lost far more. Respect is earned and not demanded. You are showing your children and future generations how to act. Mind your manners and always act like your grandma is watching you.
- Journalism and people used to have more integrity. Do not be so easily persuaded by either. Learn how to question motives and turn it off.
- When times get tough, be self-reliant. Do not ever count on a dollar until it’s in your hand or a promise until it has been fulfilled. Always take the time to learn new things and problem-solve.
This experience has forever changed the way I think about downfalls. I wish there was a career for me where I could spend my days taking 93 year old ladies for walks in the garden for casual conversations to gather their wisdom. For now, I will settle for using that wisdom in my everyday actions with my family and clients. Nobody lives forever, but they can live on in the memories and actions of future generations. When I am struggling, I will forever think about that big all-knowing grin on her face with crazy grey curly hair blowing everywhere while the Colorado storms were blowing in. And she calmly took in every gulp of fresh air like it was the finest wine she ever tasted.
